


Morning

by wktk



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Author is Projecting - freeform, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Social Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Platonic Relationships, a bit of a vent fic, nothing heavy tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2020-01-15 17:04:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18503284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wktk/pseuds/wktk
Summary: Anxiety was always the first and simplest word for how he was feeling. Seemed like the perfect description for the uncomfortable tightness in his chest.Just a short thing with Changkyun waking up in a bad mood and others helping him out.





	Morning

**Author's Note:**

> I'm using the old roommates layout so it's changkyun, kihyun, minhyuk, and jooheon in one room.

Despite his creative mind, Changkyun was never able to picture his anxiety in an artistic way. There was nothing special in how it made him feel. No huge darkness embracing him, no monsters, no imaginary shadows in the corner of his sight. Just the unbearably strong feeling of being uncomfortable to the point where the only emotions he was able to feel was either the fear itself or anger caused by the unpleasant feeling.

It concentrated in his chest, right where his heart is. Made him feel like he's being squeezed. His breathing was normal but at the same time it felt like it's not enough. Too shallow, too short. He would try to argue with his mind, tell it that his lungs are working properly but he didn't always have the strength for that. Not this time.

Faintly he could hear other members turning in their beds or slowly waking up. Someone was definitely in the kitchen already. Probably Kihyun. Changkyun wanted to focus on the external sounds. Distract his mind as quick and effectively as he could from the squishing feeling in his chest. But instead every single sound he tried to tune into made him feel irritated, made his heart squeeze more in itself which usually ended up in a silent gasp as his brain was again fooled that there's not enough oxygen.

Changkyun pulled the blanket closer to his face covering as much of it as he could. He curled in on himself and squeezed his eyes shut hoping that the feeling would go away by itself. Right, the feeling. At times like this when Changkyun has barerly woken up and is still dealing w his drowsiness he didn't have enough strength to describe what emotion he's feeling or what could be causing it. Way too focused on the physical reactions his body had and how they made him feel in return.

Anxiety was always the first and simplest word for it. Seemed like the perfect description for the uncomfortable tightness so his mind would always go back this word whenever he started feeling it again. Now finding the reason behind it has often been a much harder task. Changkyun could list plenty of things that make him anxious. Song deadlines, comeback preparations, fan's opinion on him, shopping by himself, people talking to him, sometimes his own members talking to him, crying in front of people, being a disappointment. Those were just some of the fears that Changkyun felt on occasion.  
But on mornings like these he couldn't pinpoint which one of these was causing him to panic. They were all valid when he thought about them... but none of them felt strong enough at the moment to cause his irrational fear.

It was like his mind was playing tricks on him. "Be afraid" it said. Of what? Who cares.  
Changkyun curled in more on himself in his bed, hoping that his breathing wasn't loud enough to catch attention of other members. His body shook once in a while from trying to keep all his anxiety inside. Not allowing himself to show any weakness. There was some more noise in the background but Changkyun decided to ignore it since all it did was make him more upset. He tried to calm his erratic breathing which just ended up with a pained whine on the next exhale.

More noise behind him, this time louder but Changkyun didn't want to listen to it. Only focused on the pain in his chest and how much he wanted it to finally stop. Something touched his arm from behind. He couldn't tell if he flinched because he wasn't expecting it or because it was getting harder and harder with each second to hold in his sobs. The thing that touched him started talking. No wait. It was a hand. Big one. With a sure but soft grip and a thumb that would trace little patterns on his skin through the blanket.

Changkyun focused more on the surroundings. The hand was Minhyuk's, he could tell it clearly now. The voice was his too. Calling him out softly, almost like how you would talk to a little animal. Changkyun managed to hum a bit showing Minhyuk that he's listening now.  
"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" worry clear in Minhyuk's voice. Changkyun hated that so much. Hated making them worry, hated hearing it, hated how his mind took it as something bad, how it would immediately start attacking him with self-depricating thoughts. "All you do is make them worry for no reason. They already have their own problems and you're just trying to add your nonexistent ones onto them. Do you really think you deserve their love? Think about it. Have you earned it?" The thoughts overwhelmed him and completely ruined his previous struggles to keep up the calm facade.

Breathe. Breathe in. Breathe out. The exhale turned into a sob.

Now with the gates opened he couldn't stop himself from crying. His quick breath making him literally gasp for air like a fish. He could feel Minhyuk climbing into his bunk bed and some other noises coming from a bit further away. He was turned around facing Minhyuk but hating the thought of his hyung seeing his ugly crying face he hid it in Minhyuk's chest. Hugging him as close as possible for comfort. The hand on his back kept tracing mindless patterns. Minhyuk. Another hand was running fingers through his hair softly. Jooheon? For a second he could make out the voices that were speaking the entire time. 

Besides Minhyuk's and Jooheon's soft comforting words there was one more saying something like "-brought him some tea. Let him drink it once he calms down." Not as clearly full of worry as the other voices but if you knew the person well enough you could tell just how much love and care was hidden in it. Kihyun.

Changkyun's breath slowly became more stable. The uncomfortable feeling in his heart was eventually numbed down. The noises didn't annoy him anymore. The tea must've gotten cold by now but he finally felt like he would be able to drink it.

**Author's Note:**

> twt @furrykyun  
> yell at me please I love it


End file.
